I think i wanna be back

Its been a while
And i miss it.

How many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesnt see?

"Sometimes I wonder if God will ever forgive us for what we've done to each other...Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago."

I was watching this short film on civil wars in Africa today and I felt so worthless and superficial.
All we ever do is , work selfishly to get a better life.
I have never had anything against those few people who actually go around working for world peace, poverty, illiteracy et al but I must confess i have never had any of those urges to go and do something likewise.
Today when I saw the entire gruesome situation with my own eyes, something inside began to hurt,
what are we here for?
Live out a rat race our entire life and then die knowing we've "accomplished" something? We study, grow up , get a good job, get an easy lifestyle, ah well. we are all too familiar about this.. I'm gonna leave it here.

I stopped writing this blog for readership a long time ago, today I just write this because I feel I have truly discovered my purpose here.
I can proudly say my mother is one of the most humane people on the planet. she's a doctor and I have seen her doing exactly what doctors are here for.. help those in need rather than being money minting machines.
I talked to her today and. Okay this is not one of those weepy introspection posts.
The point is, i know what i am born for now. I have purpose.and thats a damm fine feeling.

And well, we're all inherently good, please, lets just stay that way.

This excerpt says what I want to, in a much better way course.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas.

Papa :*

Have you ever really missed someone when they're right there with you?
Its a funny feeling, rather gripping actually.
Okay so the thing is , I share a very silent relationship with my dad, well I'm gonna say papa cz that's what I call him.
Anyway, so papa and I have always had a weird relationship. I am like the most affectionate person you can ever meet, I mean all day long, I keep hugging and pecking my grandfolks, mum and the rest of the clan.
But with dad, its sorta different, its the strange-nice-not bad-different.
I always think before I do something with him. Now that just sounds awfully weird, but well, you get the picture.
One thing about my papa is , he buys me loads and loads and loads of books, like I cant get him to buy me , say, a pair of stilettos that cost like 3 grand, but books, he'll buy me 10 grand worth of them damn right away.
I've kinder always respected him for that, the fact that he has always positively encouraged me and my sisters to be intellectuals and not just pretty faces. In fact I love him for that, honor him for that.
Its a saying, i believe, that theres nothing as sacred as honor, I couldn't have thought of anything more true.

Its 2 am here, and for some reason, me and papa cant sleeep. He's watching some shark program outside, shark files most prolly. He never gets tired of watching sharks, and that , I have inherited from him. Its like we both get glued to the television whenever one of them shark things are on air. This shark tribe one is on right now I guess. Shite,I digress.
So I cant sleep because , well, I'm an insomniac but papa's hell tired but still up.
I do not know why but I have this overwhelming feeling in me right now which is almost flooding me from inside, its overpowering. I feel this deep sense of attachment to him, this intense bond.
Like I can see him from here, he's right in front of my eyes, but I cant seem to get enough.
I feel like crying, even. God, this is crazy, really.
I guess this is what they call 'blood'.
i'm his blood, his flesh, his bones.
Today mom was telling me I have my papa's jawline. Isn't it weird, the way we look like our parents? I mean, like 50 years later I might look at myself in the mirror and stare at my jawline and think of my papa. Not that I would need a reason but still.
and at that moment, I'm sure I 'd be brimming with this same feeling, this feeling of immense love and endearment! I feel like hugging him so so much.
Damm these papas and mamas, they;re one helluva sweet people, they do anything for you, sell themselves for you, just to see you happy.
How could you ever ever repay something like that?

If mom was awake, this outpour would have happened there, but I guess it was destined for me to write my blog tonight.
I thought it had long died.
I'm listening to Blowin' in the wind, and its sorta comforting me, I need something to pacify me right now, this love is killing me.
Haha , what was that song, Love will tear us apart?? Ya?
Oh yea, Damm right!!

G'night people.

About a Girl 1

Heyyo earthlings,
No I didnt just read hitchhikers, i'm using the word earthings for all of you becz I belong to a different planet nowadays. Planet anxiety. ah well. Lets not get into that, this blogpost is not about me, its about one of my bestest friends, Sodhi.
Sodhi is sodhi. you really cant define her actually , especially not now when I 'm pretty mind fucked with all the college stuff happening.
Actually I went through this poem written my by miss aqseer sodhi today morning and I fell in love with her all over again.
Wanted all you guys to read it too.
This is going to be a reminder post for me, I gotta write a full fledged thing on her, I just HAVE to.

I know she doesnt read all this so its kinder comforting in some weird sorta manner. I guess when I really love someone , I really DONT want them to know.
yea, I dont.
Anyway, read on :

COLORS
BLUE from fighting with herself-
She crashes into cabinets
And kicks cupboards with her shins

GREEN with envy as the boy she loves
Gazes adoringly (is the adoration for real?) at her best friend
She cuts and slashes
At her fragile, tortured skin

RED the drops of blood glisten
And a smile creeps across her face
As she lets herself well up
And tears-

Liquid SILVER they shine on her cheek
Before running into her

BLACK midnight hair
That falls to her waist
Before she rises in fury
To grab those SIVER scissors
And chop it all off

Her head falls back
And she bays like a hound

GRAY
SHe looks like a convict
No pain is good enough to relieve her's

Frantically she rummages in her neat room
Finds the sweater her grandmum made-
[The grandmum that died
Left her alone]
BLUE and PINK- The sweater she pulls over her head

YELLOW
The sun rising in the sky
As she clambers up the wall

WHITE
The feeling of calm that pervades her being
As she finds that the beauty of the
Crisp winter morning relieves her
More than the cursed fucking blade
Ever fucking did

She reads and and hums to herself
She clambers back down
To find her dog dead
And it starts all over again

This picture is US. Sodhi is the tree , I'm the bike. This is "our" best pic together. If you think we're a lil pscyhed in the head , then I wont blame you. And ofcourse, the exquisite photography is by our very own Nia.
Dont try to understand it, just absorb the awesomeness and love behind it.


So long.

More than a wait

So i've totally lost it, WHEN WILL APRIL 1 ARRIVE FOR CHRISSAKE!!!
everyones makin it thru michigan ann arbor and UIUC. Its just not fair, i should've applied to these two!
gee, where am i going with this?? :P
Its just pre-april 1-madness... i believe.
I don't even say my decisions are gonna come, i use the word "acceptances"!
anyway, as u can guage i'm in no position to write blog posts...so here's this picture for you guys.


Take care amigos.
Ciao.