Be Me

I'm writing my college essays currently, and in the flow of things I'd like to admit, they give me a sort of high...which is pretty amusing for my left brained mind [ i recently discovered that I'm left brained and so are Richard Feynman and Albert Einstein, so yaaay!!!]
Its strange but i do not really understand why i wanna be at college... is it because of the studies, or the exposure or the overwhelming-ness of it all?
is it because it'll make me a new person or is it the very need to know something in life? is it the responsibility to be able to earn or is it the quest to prove something?

its unbelievable how much our tiny lil teenage brain thinks of...
to put facts rather elusively, if i had it my way, i don't really know what i would've done.
go trekking on the Rockies...turn into a hippie[ w/ the drugs part].. become a saint..
but the sickening part is the reality of my limited control over my own life!
i cant even determine what i wanna do!!
social restrictions, duty towards parents, an assured comfortable lifestyle, steady income..perks. bleh.

i mean, seriously, what is that one thing we would all do if we didn't have to worry about where our lives are heading?
what is that one thing for which we would go crazy, take risks, reach the edge , anything!!
i know very well, that this is a momentary state of being and I'm gonna get back to me essays and slog. but sometimes i feel so carefree..
like i can leave all this behind and just travel around the world on foot and be me!
Yes, BE ME.
right now this is not me, this is the conventional me. the me who goes to school, then goes to college, gets good grades, gets into med school, gets married, buys a good house and live happily ever after.
I
wish i could just be the real me.
Who doesn't worry abt where their living is coming from...or what people are thinking...or how good or bad my personal life is..
Who doesn't have to answer anyone...'
Who can just tiptoe around nude in the house and break into a jig listening to nirvana..
Who can walk around Delhi streets wearing sarongs and chappals...
Who can wear a red cocktail dress to an Indian wedding and look like a million bucks...
Who can talk on anything from Russian literature to Bengali sweets..from existentialism to evangelism. evangelism .ahh.
Who can cook finger lickin' food and still refrain from eating it.
Who can perform a waltz wearing indian clothes..
Who can just say it like it is and never be shy.
ah! i just love me .

Why life is unfair

Grrr
okay, here's the deal: i have been getting wild cravings lately, like the get-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night ones...
and ITS NOT FUNNY.
arghh! why does choclate exist, why does anything related to choclate exist? okay so this is what happened today, i decided to put up all these mean pictures out here so that yoo guys lust too. I dunno why i'm doing this...
maybe out of sadistic pleasure ... muahahaha :)
If i'm going down, i'm takin y'all with me!! wicked :)

Lindt Dark Chocolate Truffle Cake:

Doughnuts never looked better:

Aww man! they cant do this!!

These are the super wicked designer chocolates at St. Regis. yes,it all has mean ness written all over the place.

Good ol' rocky chocolate malt fudge. ah well.

*speechless*
So now you're gonna rush out of that door and get hold of something , i know that!
come awn!
shoot in the comments, lets share the pain! :P

Punjabiyan di shaan wakhri

Jesus, today was like one ov those days when everything goes right, as if it was pre-planned or somethin..
like my principal actually was nice to me :) and he signed all the 140 papers i asked him to :P
and my recordings were like awesome in the first takes( yeah i sing n all)
and i dodged the queue at the atm machine by acting cute with the guy who was standin right at the start, i was like:
"pwweease can i go before you *insert pout here* and he was like..
"ya ya sure" * insert huge grin here *

and yes anoder reason was..my wicked cousin got married tonight and boy we had a blast! i love punjabi weddings, i love all kinda weddings actually.
i have decided that i'm gonna do the whole stayin alive sequence as my "wedding dance"...becz dude, if its my d day , it better be frikkin wild! \m/
i couldn't believe it when my cousin was being a pussy and sittin there all dressed up n shy posin for the camera like she's some "miss goody two shoes". i'm gonna freak out like there's no tomorrow...if my guy decides to keep it peaceful, he better look somewhere else. i plan to make it fuckin wild : saturday night fever or somethin :P

well comin on to the awesomeness ov the day, we guys dressed up and it was THE shit ppl! we are like gorgeous, it cant get better than this! we got weird mehndi stuff done which was eww becz i don like the smell . but it looked slick, here's a pic :D

then we loaded ourselves in the cars which looked more like mini flower shops , i can never understand why they do that to the poor metal machines, another pointer, no one will stick flowers with sticky tape on my car when i get married! oh no no!

then we drove to the venue which was some golf course, right!!
pathetic aint it?
we girls were wearin heels and stilletos and they kept sinkin in the grass :[
nevermind, then as the elder folk were busy in the borin ceremonies, the DJ started playin and woah!
it started like 9 and went on till 2 am! it was so frikkin awesome.... there were like these bunch of uncles who would keep intruding but like we gave a damm.
we'd just pout n preen and tell them away :P
these follwin guys did some ritual dance to entertain guests! they were so good at the bhangra, you'd swear they were PROs!
actually they were , hehe:D

i think when it comes to dancin on weddings, nothin can beat punjabi bhangra hip hop tracks! they like get u into the feel:grooviness n all.
it was funny but the groom's cousins kept hittin on us and we were like sooo interested. ha!

anyway, as it all came to an end, we stuffed ourselves with paneer makhni n butter nans et al ( indian cusine is a-m-a-z-i-n)and kept talkin till the wee hours of the mornin.
as the whole thing got over and the vidaai was to happen, we had a tiny problem, my sister would'nt cry!
hahaha
its like , in indian weddings, there is this ritual called vidaai, where the bride generally weeps her heart out cz she's leavin her mom n dad n going to a new place, and my bitch wouldn't just do it! the video guy was like "WTF is happenin?" LOL
dude that was freaky cool!
boy i'm gonna miss all the coolness,weddings are like so awesome ;)
and if there are two things dilli wallahs are awesome at, thats eatin n dancin! hehe
and seriously, there's no end to teh funny conversations, i had the same people comin n telin me 15 times how pretty i'm lookin or how grown up i am now.
i'm like i know u're drunk, so yaay!

ah well, sweet stuff :)

:) / :|

This post is err. but its what ure gonna read. so i've put in a cartoon for ppl who are kind visitors.
if ya feel like bangin ur head after readin it, just enjoy the strip and move on.
So i feel like a hippy.
oh no no, lemme rephrase that.
i am a hippy. right so i dun fag and don't do weed, but i remain high.
and its not exaggeration.
past couple of weeks, Ive been spendin time with me , myself and i. throw in led zepp , nirvana here and there. you get the point.
I've been through quite a cognitive experience.
what is it with humans? weird people. why is there attachment? why do we get affected? why do we let people around us determine to a large extent how our mental state is ?
i had a painful experience the other night which ended up in a massive fight and led to a sleepless night. why? why did their words affect me?
i believe in living life like a gypsy.
don affect anyone, don let anyone affect you. period.
then why do i give in sometimes? bleh?
have u ever felt like ur mind is wandering somewhere and u've lost all control. like some super natural force is controlling you and you have no hold over yourself.
like ure in a constant state of nothingness.
the work still goes on, studies. SATs. apps.issues. but u're in this weird trance. like you're drugged.
can totally live free and care less.
btw its fun to lose than to make others lose.
the other day, me and my friend took a cab and we ended up pay in the cabbie more than he deserved, we saw the smirk on his face, the triumphant "i fooled them" look. but strangely i din feel cheated at all. neither did i fret over the extra ten bucks.
the ecstasy is all over me nowadays. i feel better if I'm the one cheated on than me being the one cheating.
my happiness is getting me.
its contagious. what is it?
have i lost the will to live?
or have i started living now?
i feel like gravity.like I'm pullin everthing towards me.or
like I'm the epicentre of an earthquake.
I've lost all judgements. feels like nirvana.
which also reminds me, listen to this song
just do it, you will know u did urself good.

"Come
As you are
As you were
As I want you to be
As a friend
As a friend
As a known memory
Take your time
Hurry up
The choice is your
Don't be late
Take a rest
As a friend
As a known memory"

yes, this song is me.
i am my drug, i am my alcohol.

DISCAIMER: don let this affect you. its random and i may not openly call it trash but it might be close. But you know it makes sense to me and its my blog. so do the math.