Surviving. Or so it would seem.

All your life you wait for something and it turns out to be just the way you didn't want it to be.
have you ever felt like the worst version of yourself? has it ever occurred to you that you do stuff you don't feel for, you say stuff you don't mean??
let me explain.
sometimes in life, we actually don't realise that we're defying our own principles and then we're jacked. the worst thing you can do to yourself is fall from grace in your own eyes.
why does it happen that sometimes we let ourselves get carried away? why do we let things or emotions rule us? i think its like getting drunk.
we all have our ways ov looking at it.
I, personally, am downright against it, but if i let someone make me drink, am i demeaning myself? yes! absolutely. because I'm going against myself. I am , all i have. if i cannot respect my own terms and conditions, who will?

this is exactly what we fail to realise. people are getting forced into things everyday and everywhere. be it drugs , sex, alcohol, doping, anything.
its not about the substance, its about the affect it has on you. and the worst part is when you are teh one living in denial.
yes, denial, we all live in it sometimes. we deny because the truth freakin hurts. and we don't have the flickin guts to tolerate it.
but yes, when we do, when we come to terms with it, we surpass ourselves. we actually reach ourselves. its a cognitive experience, its spiritual.
it almost equals salvation. its that pure.
i can, promise this, that once you realise your "own " thing, and you can stand for that one thing you believe in,that's exactly when you've found yourself. its profound in the true sense of the word.

knowing that I'm independent , my own person and internally strong enuff to do what i;m doing and retain my senses in spite ov the numerous external factors, is the biggest high. its like ethereal.
that's when you're safe. when you are your savior. when you can defend yourself.
all i wanna say is, I'm writing for myself, becz i wanna retain this being right now, i wanna capture it, and i want you all to read it, if it makes any sense to you.
i wanna tell you that its real easy to give up, to let go, whats difficult is to stand it, to fight the battle and not sacrifice what you stand for, never ever let anyone tell you different.
cz then you'll regret it your entire life.

its like a flash ball hitting you, more like a falling star. it comes for a moment. that . one. moment. that one moment defines you.
it defines all that you are and all that you're made of. if you can stand your ground or you can let the waves sweep the earth under your feet.
listen to me, never defy yourself , you wont hate anything more.

you got your faith. you gotta protect it.

the thing with this conversation/blog post is that its different from any of the ones i've written before, because its not the talk I'm having with walls, if you get what i mean.
if you don't get whats happening here, don't worry, you will someday.

Movin on, its 9th november,Diwali. The big daddy of all indian festivals.
i dont intend to burst any crackers for some reason. and i dont like them anyway.
So Happy Diwali folks.
Be safe.