I'm writing my college essays currently, and in the flow of things I'd like to admit, they give me a sort of high...which is pretty amusing for my left brained mind [ i recently discovered that I'm left brained and so are Richard Feynman and Albert Einstein, so yaaay!!!]
Its strange but i do not really understand why i wanna be at college... is it because of the studies, or the exposure or the overwhelming-ness of it all?
is it because it'll make me a new person or is it the very need to know something in life? is it the responsibility to be able to earn or is it the quest to prove something?
its unbelievable how much our tiny lil teenage brain thinks of...
to put facts rather elusively, if i had it my way, i don't really know what i would've done.
go trekking on the Rockies...turn into a hippie[ w/ the drugs part].. become a saint..
but the sickening part is the reality of my limited control over my own life!
i cant even determine what i wanna do!!
social restrictions, duty towards parents, an assured comfortable lifestyle, steady income..perks. bleh.
i mean, seriously, what is that one thing we would all do if we didn't have to worry about where our lives are heading?
what is that one thing for which we would go crazy, take risks, reach the edge , anything!!
i know very well, that this is a momentary state of being and I'm gonna get back to me essays and slog. but sometimes i feel so carefree..
like i can leave all this behind and just travel around the world on foot and be me!
Yes, BE ME.
right now this is not me, this is the conventional me. the me who goes to school, then goes to college, gets good grades, gets into med school, gets married, buys a good house and live happily ever after.
I
wish i could just be the real me.
Who doesn't worry abt where their living is coming from...or what people are thinking...or how good or bad my personal life is..
Who doesn't have to answer anyone...'
Who can just tiptoe around nude in the house and break into a jig listening to nirvana..
Who can walk around Delhi streets wearing sarongs and chappals...
Who can wear a red cocktail dress to an Indian wedding and look like a million bucks...
Who can talk on anything from Russian literature to Bengali sweets..from existentialism to evangelism. evangelism .ahh.
Who can cook finger lickin' food and still refrain from eating it.
Who can perform a waltz wearing indian clothes..
Who can just say it like it is and never be shy.
ah! i just love me .
Friday, December 14, 2007
Be Me
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9 comments:
uh... walk nude? and evangelism?? what's the matter with you woman???
anyhoo, i really get what u were trying to say, but some of the things u said regarding "being me" are not my style at all... but yeah... i do/did feel like that some time ago, but the reasons for moving over to the conventional me have been pretty clearly stated by u... amen...
"is it because of the studies, or the exposure or the overwhelming-ness of it all?
is it because it'll make me a new person or is it the very need to know something in life? is it the responsibility to be able to earn or is it the quest to prove something?"
All of them.
The deal here is that you can still do all that stuff. I mean the carefree living and all that. But at the same time be responsible about the money, social life and all. And the condition is that you'll have to wait till you become older probably, and get your own home.
Right now, at your age, the sole purpose of a human is to probably ensure that they won't have to be living on the streets 10 years in the future.
PS. Haha. Admitting that one does walk around nude(even in the house) takes guts.
"i mean, seriously, what is that one thing we would all do if we didn't have to worry about where our lives are heading?
what is that one thing for which we would go crazy, take risks, reach the edge , anything!!" woah!!
This is one of your most thought provoking posts!
and i don't see what the fuss is about...don't all of us walk around nude in the house when we're alone? ofcourse we do! ;)
@ udit: I have discovered during the recent course of events a.k.a post comments that you find something disagreeable with all my posts, which is gladly welcomed since i wouldn't want a flatterer as a close friend. so keep it going, your remarks bring me down from the clouds.
regarding the nudity bit, i strongly feel like that and i am of the opinion that one should be vocal about their thoughts , ofcourse only when they're not hurting any person.
@ramit: No ramit, it doesnt take guts, it just takes some clear thinking and confidence which i do possess.
I like the way you've put it..at our age the sole purpose is to ensure we're not on the streets ten years hence. :)
@raghav:Thanks for your kind words raghav but as you can see evidently, most people don't actually do that. this is the part where i'd say : "to each his own"
Rohit, you're conspicuous by your absence :]
:|
I have this decidedly cynical thought that without the fear of penury some, if not most people would waste away. And whatever you decide to call it, all of us have seen this somewhere or the other in our acquaintances.. people who waste themselves because they dont need to work for the money.
Most of us do things to prove a point. some point.
There's something, deep down, that you've got hints of in the past, just waiting to pop out and present itself. If you're lucky, you'll find it early. Follow your instincts, don't be afraid to try out stuff, you have all the time in the world over the next couple of months (post finals of course), and over your undergrad. Money's going to come no matter what, just find satisfaction in living first.
From your writing, you evidence success in the art of loving yourself, a key requirement. You've got the balls, just follow through :)
@ renovatio: I live for lovin myself :D
you got me! :P
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