the best dayumm thing

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introspection.

this is wat happens to me after:
2 bad tests and
1 hr of mom's nagging
read on..

have u ever felt like uve become da worst version f yourself?
like u cudnt have gone lower than this??
well..precisely the reason i named my blog this.
Degrading yourself in public is perhaps the most severe form of self humiliation...and of course the most hurtful.
but being me...i will not only put it all on paper..but also publish it for the whole world to see.

back to the topic.
today i felt like i had lost myself and gone far away from everything ..everything that defined "being me".
not one to ever copy someone and a firm believer of making my own laws..i from being a completely narcissistic individual became someone i totally hated.

k this is actually more than enough. i cannot embarrass myself further.
writing abut minute details of my so called worst version is something i ain't ready to do yet,i just wanna say that i hated every particle f my existence.

they say, the first step towards improvement is realisation, i believe i shud move on to the second now.

the most haunting feeling in the world is falling from grace in your own eyes,nothing absolutely nothing can be worse.

the more i write abt this..the more i feel..that one person who always sticks around you always is "you"
no mater how u feel ,abt wat u are and wat uve become...u still hang in der.


from the deep depths of self doubt only rise the magnificent highs of confidence and self esteem.
being vulnerable is the only way you can feel truly strong...the only way u can know wat strength is.
some one whose never faced failure wouldn't know wat success means..wat success is.

here's something i srslee feel:

I'm so happy today because i found my real friends....they're in my head."
-Kurt Cobain
nothing has made more sense to me. EVER.



PS this is a weird un continous depressing n random post. don expect me to write a neat one wen i feel like shit.

nothin i've ever known..

today i felt blessed.

this happens very rarely..
am a very cynical and highly pessimistic person.
one of the worst irreversible cases.


"How do I explain it when I don't know what to say
What do I do now - so much has changed"

sometimes u cant put words to ur feelings.
right now..i cant.


PS don understand any of the above?? u dun have to.


"Nothing I have ever known - has made me feel this way
Nothing I have ever seen - has made me want to stay
but here I am - ready for you
I'm turnin', I'm fallin' - I hear my home callin'
Hey - I've never felt somethin's so strong - oh no
I'ts like nothing I've ever known "

sometimes its never da same...

sometimes things happen to u... n they change ur life foreva.. ur way thinkin.. ur perspective.. everythin.. n YOu know u will never be da same again...

for me... even a song does it.. anyway.. i witnessed quite a few life changin ordeals today... for starters .... as i borded da bus in da mornin.. yup..the infamous dtc to vasant kunj...it was a fine mornin...da kinda day where u feel dat everythings gonna be happy types... k so i slept in da bus....and landed up i dono wher... buh dats not wat im gonna write abt

today wen i was as usual listenin to my ipod..wid my currentfav playin again n again..[kiss me by avril lavigne for dose who'd like to know] i noticed somethin diff... i suddenly had dis feelin of ethereal bein.. as if i was up in da air..n flyin.. beneath a clear bloo sky against a green green grass i mean...it ws a hot sunny delhi afternoon.. n if someone is feelin as if they're on top of the alps...n its cool n breezy.. something's got to be wrong..

i got down frm da bus...n dis lil lady...came n asked me for money..a beggar girl ... i...gave her all my food..(!!!) wich i had to have for da rst f da day.. weird huh..

n den suddenly ...i started missin everythin n everone dat ever happened to me i missed school i missed mom i missed my 2 cranky sisters i mised ppl who betrayed me.... i missed ppl who stood up for me... everythin.. n i felt light as if a huge burden was lifted frm my shoulders... n all along..i was listenin to dis song..its kinda insignificant buh still i'd lik to mention....

... i know im da sort of person who thinks too much so maybe dis was jus a result of an overdose..

but i jus felt lik tellin everyone WHOSE EVER MEANT ANYTHIN TO ME...

i love u ppl n i miss u n i think i always wil even if uve hurt me even if ive hurt u i think I am neva gonna be able to hate again!!

i consider hatin a good thing it works for me... it helps me get over stuff get over ppl its a tonic i don think i can ever hate again

i felt like im cyclin.. i love cylcin.. freely... wid my face against da air feelin da cool breeze against my skin.. beneath the milky twilight out on the moonlit floor, silver moon sparkling beside the green green grass.... it'll never be da same again...

PS aqseer..i now understand ... i love green too! :)